God Really is in Control


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I’m bone-tired y’all.

I never really understood that expression until now. But it literally feels like my bones are tired.

And it’s not the newborn kind of tired (which is the worst kind of tired if you ask me). That’s a sleep-deprived tired. This is a I-haven’t-stopped-moving-since-I-woke-up-this-morning kind of tired.

And I love it.

I don’t love it because it feels good or because I’m one of those people who looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. I love it because it’s bringing me to the end of myself and I’ve never depended upon God more. To be honest, my flesh doesn’t love it so much. It’d kind of been crying out against it. But the renewed me knows that when Christ is all and in all in my life there is lasting joy. That me is loving it.

Every day this week I’ve come to the end of myself and said, “OK God, you’ve got to strengthen me.” I think of 1 Thessalonians 5, where Paul says “He who called you is faithful, He will surely do it.” Or of when he says in Colossians 2 that he is “struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within.”

This is one of the great lessons of our trip to Uganda, and it is the enduring lesson thus far. God’s in control, He’s acting, and He’s sustaining whether we acknowledge it or not. In the month that Josh and I were in Uganda, not knowing how long we would be there or whether or not the kids what get their passports approved or if the U.S. embassy would approve them for travel, we were really faced with the fact that we are literally in God’s hands.

I thought often of that old song that I sang as a child and that my own children now sing, “He’s got the whole world in His hands.” Yeah, He really really does.

We have very nice organized lives here. We plan out our days and our lives and like to live according to our schedules. We say with our mouths, “God is in control,” but we live out our lives substituting “I am” for “God is” in that sentence.

It’s been a hard lesson to learn, but oh how sweet it is to be humbled and then see Jesus, whose blood covers our sin. Yes, I said it. Sin. Trying to take control from our creator God is definitely sin. But that’s what makes His forgiveness and His sustaining grace that much sweeter.

So in these beginning days of being a mom of 4, I’m exhausted, but there’s Jesus, that great Savior and friend of mine, carrying me through. I look at the 2 who I still barely know, whose language I don’t speak, and I say, “Jesus, carry me through.” I look at the 2 who I’ve known since birth, whose demanding language I understand perfectly well, and I say, “Jesus, carry me through.” I look at all 4, clamoring for attention and affection and food (always food), and when I think I don’t have enough in me, I say, “Jesus, I know you will carry me through.”




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