Everything Times Two

Aug
2013
28

posted by on Adoption

7 comments

Hey. Remember me? Katie? I was going to write all these awesome posts about adoption?

Oh, wait. I have 4 kids now and my brain doesn’t work anymore.

Actually, there have been many days that I have thought of great things to share. But the problem is that I think of those things at 10 am while I’m cleaning or running errands and then sit down to write it down at 8 pm. And I find that I can’t remember anything or even really how to type at that point.

And, if I can be totally honest, most nights lately we get the kids down and I eat ice cream and watch TV or internet loaf. I may or may not be eating ice cream out of the carton as I type this…

Oh, but here’s the good news! I’ve been steadily losing weight anyway. Here’s a winning weight loss program idea: Just fill your house with kids 5 and under and you’ll forget to eat all the time! Except ice cream. I never forget ice cream.

Things are slowly but surely settling into a normal rhythm around here. It’s strange, but it’s hard for me to remember life being any different than it is now. It’s sort of like when you have a baby, I guess, and before you meet the baby you can’t imagine him/her. But once the baby arrives, Bam! Life before baby becomes a foggy memory.

It’s hard to believe that just 8 months ago I was in Uganda on that brief trip, meeting these 2 sweeties, completely unaware that they would change our lives forever.

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That’s Eva in the blue, the day I met her. She sat in my lap for 20 minutes, wanting nothing more than to stay with me. Oh gosh, stop. I’m making myself cry. (I’m happy to say that the other 2 children standing by me have been adopted as well).

And there’s Titus, making classic Titus face. Totally inscrutable. Now he’s mostly smiles and laughter

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Although he does still occasionally make inscrutable face at me. Especially when he’s mad at me.

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(I literally just said no to him when I took this picture. He’s stunned that I would refuse him anything)

Eva is a total girl. I remember looking at her, and all the other girls in that orphanage and thinking how indistinguishable they were from the boys, all with shaved heads, many in boys clothes. However, that girl is 100% GIRL on the inside. She and Charlie are currently neck and neck for most dramatic person in this house. She also talks. And talks and talks and talks.

Here she is talking to me…

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And talking…

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Aaaaaand taaaaaalking.

 

 

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I love it. At first it was frustrating because I couldn’t understand a word she said. But she picks up English super fast. And you know how when your toddler starts talking you totally understand it and everyone else is like, “huh?” That’s how it is with her. Sometimes she tells me a whole story and only like 3 of her words are English and I still know exactly what she said.

Eva and Titus are so weirdly well adjusted, too. They do great at church and school, they eat and sleep great, and hate bedtime and fight over toys just like other kids.

But seriously though, folks, it didn’t start out that way.

There were some really hard moments in those first few weeks. For me, the hardest thing was how both kids, but especially Eva, reacted to Reagan and Charlotte. For the first couple weeks they rejected all affection from their sisters. Oh, and Reagan was so very eager to love them. Charlie is 3, and she couldn’t care less about anyone but herself right now, so I think she was oblivious. But it was hard on Reagan, and hard on me.

It was hard for me to understand my own feelings. Think of how you’d feel if your daughter encountered a kid at school or on the playground who was unkind to them. You feel defensive, and usually angry toward that kid’s mom. BUT I WAS THAT KIDS MOM, TOO. And of course, I knew deep down that Eva wasn’t being intentionally unkind. It’s just that it had been her and Titus against the world for so long, and it would take time to let someone else in, especially someone she viewed as competition for our affection.

I had to accept that while I loved my new children as dearly as my biological children, I hadn’t known them nearly as long, so nurturing them and teaching them wouldn’t come as naturally as it did with Reagan and Charlie. It would take time.

 
But God’s been answering prayers in this area, and I’m amazed at the improvement even in the last couple weeks. I now regularly hear Eva yelling out, “Reagan, look!” wanting to involve her sister. And they seriously make each other laugh. And Titus lets Reagan carry him around like a baby and copies everything Charlotte does. It’s pretty amazing that they are learning to love each other so quickly.

Thankfully we have a God who is a million times bigger than these things and nothing is too difficult for Him. He was able to take these 2 kids and give them a love for us as though we were there biological parents. You can’t imagine the delight of going to pick them up from school or from church and hearing the excited, “Mommy! Mommy!” that comes from their mouths. It’s as though they never knew anything else.

And He took my heart and gave me a deep love for them, too. I am their mother, plain and simple. I did not give birth to them, but they are mine just as though I had.

So every day now I’m getting twice as many dressed and making twice as many sandwiches and kissing twice as many boo-boos and hearing twice as much noise. There’s twice as much fighting, but also twice as much hugging and snuggling. And I’m definitely twice as tired, which is why I eat ice cream instead of blogging at the end of the day. But it’s all worth it.
Reagan, Eva, Charlie, Titus. All mine, forever and ever.

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7 comments

  1. mesa
  2. Katie Young
  3. Anna Eisenberg
  4. Debbie
  5. kate

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